6 lies you (probably) shouldn’t tell your girlfriend

If she's in a bad mood, shouldn't my
primary concern regard how best I can help
alleviate her stress/anger/frustration?

1. Lying About How Much You Spent (On
Something For Her)

You Say: "Oh, that old thing? It was on sale. I practically
stole it."

The Truth: "I fasted and lived in total darkness for
three weeks saving up for it."

My Advice: If you share finances, or are jointly saving up
for something (say an expensive trip or a wedding), I can't
really condone lying about money. If you get in the habit of
spending lavishly on her but fibbing about the price-tags,
who's to say you won't soon be self-gifting with the
same philosophy as your excuse?

2. Lying About Checking Out that Girl You Just
Checked Out

You Say: "Checking who out? No way, babe! I've only got
eyes for you."

The Truth: "Damn. How could I not check that girl out?"

My Advice: If the girls you check out return your looks,
such that you routinely engage in bouts of eye-f**king or
pantomime at strange girls for their numbers right in front
of your girlfriend, then yes, there's probably an underlying
problem. Otherwise, she should accept your wandering
eyes as part of human nature — chances are she not-
so-accidentally sizes someone up from time to time as
well.

3. Lying When She Asks You if She "Looks Fat"

You Say: "Of course not! Are you crazy? You look
incredible."

The Truth: "Well … umm … you don't exactly look like
Calista Flockhart in it. Not that that's a bad thing."

My Advice: If it's getting to the point that her
expansion project is decreasing your attraction to her,
then you might consider saying something. Chances are
she's acutely aware of any changes in her body, though,
so you telling her as much is only going exacerbate her
anxiety over it as well as any tension between the two
of you. As long as you still love her just the same (and you
should, @$$hole), telling her she looks great even though
you've seen her look better is about the most harmless lie
in existence.

4. Lying About Whether You Were "Listening" to
Her or Not

You Say: "Yup. Got it. Every word. Can you move from in
front of the TV now? It's the fourth quarter."

The Truth: "I literally did not perceive a single word you
just said. It's the fourth quarter."

My Advice: So I am to believe that nodding my head and
feigning attention while completely tuning her out is more
acceptable than admitting that I wasn't paying
attention? Sorry, not buying it. To me, the best option
here is admitting guilt ("Sorry babe: I was distracted.
Would you mind running that by me again?") and then
paying extra-special attention when she repeats
herself. This may not qualify as a gateway lie, but it's
definitely one that will get you in trouble later, when she
inevitably revisits the topic she was previously ranting
about and realizes you didn't transmit a word of it.

5. Lying About a Prior Engagement to Get Out of
Helping Her with Something When She's
Stressed

You Say: "Pick up your laundry? Oh, I'd love to babe, but I
just can't. I have a … err … uh … thing. With the guys.
Softball game. Or maybe it was Habitat for Humanity.
Can't remember."

The Truth: "I totally could help you out. Then again, I'm
pretty comfortable here in front of my 52-inch plasma
sipping on this tall, cool Budweiser."

My Advice: If she's in a bad mood, shouldn't my primary
concern regard how best I can help alleviate her stress/
anger/frustration? And mightn't a good way to do that
be to sacrifice an hour or two of my otherwise couch-
bound day by a) leaving her alone and b) reducing her
stress by running an errand on her behalf? Surely this is a
better option than pretending as if I have something more
important to attend to while she tears her hair out and
zings dinner plates past my head.
Successful relationships depend on accepting that both
parties can — and should — play an active role in
maintaining the other's well-being. If you can't help her
with some menial task in the middle of an especially
stressful day, how can she be expected to depend on
you in more trying circumstances?

6. Lying About The Fast Food You Ate for Lunch

You Say: "Burger and fries? Yeahhh, right. Try fruit
parfait and grilled chicken wrap."
The Truth: "I wonder how long before she notices this
giant dollop of mayonnaise on my shirt?"

My Advice: The real question is what about your
relationship demands that you lie to her about eating a
burger in the first place? Does your pre-nup involve
dietary conditions? Is she under the false impression that
you are a vegan? All in all, yes, this strikes me as a fairly
harmless bit of dishonesty. That being said, you're a
grown-ass man, and I hope that qualifies you as capable
of deciding what you can or cannot eat for lunch.
A lie this trivial almost seems like a good indicator of
pathological lying tendencies, insofar as I can't imagine
why it would be necessary to fabricate such a thing. In
my experience, someone who lies about seemingly
innocuous bits of information should definitely be
regarded with caution when it comes to more serious
matters.
—————
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone, powered by Easyblaze